Sunday, September 8, 2019

Can you sleep with me Papi?

Emotional day for V. 

We made it a rest for Mommy day so V and I embarked on the day’s adventures. From taking her uncle Kiki to the airport to taking her to pick up pups at Grandma’s house to her class. 

Along the way she asked for her favorite songs and of course we sang and danced them out loud in the car all day long. From Girls Just Wanna Have Fun to Timber to Meet Me in the Middle. 

Completely sick of these songs, I introduced her to a favorite of mine. With You by Chris Brown. She loved it. Asked I play it again and again so she could learn the lyrics. At one point, I peaked through the rear view mirror and saw she was in complete silent cry mode. I asked her why the tears. She said it was such a beautiful song about hearts all over the world. 

I told her crying is good and to not be ashamed of it. Sometimes we cry for being sad, happy, sentimental, or just because. That it was our way our soul reminded us that we were alive and that we cared. When I gave her permission, she cried harder. Looking at her face, her swelled with teary eyes and her puckered mouth, almost made me want to cry with her. 

As Mom later tucked her into bed, she heard her cry. So I went to see her. She said she didn’t  know why tears were coming out. But that she missed Nee York, her preschool and swimming teacher. She also shared that she was sad her friend Genavieve lost her Grandma but was lucky because she still had one more left. 

Our baby is beginning to process feeling and emotional and expressing them. She’s expressing them which is what I’m working hard at teaching her the importance of that. We can’t bottle things up. 

Today’s events reminded me how much I love being a Dad. It’s a job I was born for and one that has brought a tremendous amount of joy to my life. It fills my cup. Even though I’m not the favorite parent. Even though she never go the memo about being Daddy’s Little Girl. Even though I sometimes feel as an outsider to her world. I love her so even if I were all those things to her. It’s ok. That’s certainly a life lesson she has taught me of unconditional love. 

It’s not easy. Wife often reminds me that I fight with her. I do. It’s only me trying to push my way in. One can’t do that. But I can be president darn it! And I’m certainly certified with the stubborn memo. But it comes from a good place. 

As a talked to her bedside, she invited me to sleep with her only till she fell asleep. I obliged. Minutes later she tells me “Daddy, I changed my mind.” As I prepared to get up and leave, she said I want you to “actually sleep with me all night long so I can hug and cuddle with you in case I cry again.”

As I settled into her cramped twin bed, my heart smiled. It’s not all that bad not being the favorite parent. Some days you have some wins. And like tonight, I took it! 

I write tonight’s entry while laying on my side, listening to her annoying lullabies that she tells Alexa to play for her as a bedtime ritual. Oh, and her arm resting on my shoulder. Life is good. My life is complete.