Tuesday, February 11, 2014

23w5d: First Baby Kick last night & Cancer Fight in Full Force

You ever have that restless feeling?

That's my state of mind.

Wife felt two kicks last night. I think it was the baby being upset at so much running around she has been doing. Yesterday was all about fighting with the pharmacy and doctors to get some meds refilled for my father in law. He ran out and it took an act of congress to get more.

Tonight wife and mother in law had to rush her dad to the ER. He became weak and lost control of his body which included numbness. As wife was on phone with main doctor, he immediately told her to hang up and rush him to the hospital. They are currently monitoring him and have him hooked up to an EKG heart monitor.

I really hate these chapters we are living right now. Not only because of the situation, but because  it is taking me back to a moment in my own life that I purposely buried deep inside me.

It's the emotion of losing a loved one. Unfortunately have lotsa experience in that department. From the death of my brother Ivan to my grandparents, to my dad. The most unsettling if that can even be a reference to living a loss, was the long battle dad had with pancreatitis. Five years in fact. It was painful, draining, and took a toll on us all as we just helplessly saw dad wither away in his illness. All we could do was to provide him a comfortable quality of life. Which towards the end, included patches of morphine for his unbearable pain. Life is funny that way. Unfortunately, we never learn to cherish and appreciate those we love while they live. It's like a vicious curse that we know we should but don't muster the courage to act on it.

Why do we find expressing feelings so difficult. It's a fundamental need to nourish the soul just like we fuel our bodies.

Wife, as you read this, I'm comforted you are where you need to be right now. With your dad. He needs you. But in order for you to be helpful to him, you need to nourish yourself and baby too. Please eat, drink, and rest. We are in this for the long haul. We need you healthy and strong. The three critters and I send you lotsa strength to carry on. We love you!


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